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  He wanted to touch her, but she hadn’t given him permission.

  It wasn’t that they had agreed to do this, that she would give him permission to touch her. It simply seemed to have happened once they entered the room. Perhaps Av had picked up on her mood in the room when Gamen had called her a damsel-in-distress.

  She didn’t want to be a damsel-in-distress. She hadn’t just waited around for Av to save her. She had had every intention of leaving the palace on her way to independence. He was the one who had stopped her and gotten in the way.

  Aren sighed and looked away from Av.

  “You’re naked,” he said pointedly.

  “I felt the dress was constraining,” she responded, running a finger up her leg, then down it.

  She liked how that felt. She wondered what it would feel like if it were Av’s finger on her, instead of her own.

  Aren looked back at Av, whose eyes were on the finger as it trailed up her leg, towards her belly. She saw the intake of breath, the flush to his skin.

  “Why are they sending us north?” Aren asked, lifting her hand and dropping it onto the back of the seat.

  “Get me out of the way, likely,” Av said, shifting closer to Aren. “The last time Jer took me hunting I almost stabbed him, I was so eager to bleed something. War is, well, it takes time to organize, as he pointed out. It would be best to have something to do, and up north they would be better prepared to deal with one with my mood.”

  “So this honeymoon thing that Er mentioned is a story?” Aren asked.

  “Oh no, it’s very real. Nearly any lord up there will open his home to a newly mated couple. They get a private room, fed and clothed, and get to spend the next month or so worrying about nothing more than one another.”

  “For year matings as well?” Aren asked.

  “No.” Av shook his head. “But I think it would be appropriate for us.”

  “But there’s Anue and Danya and—”

  “I don’t want you to talk about other women when you’re naked,” Av said through gritted teeth.

  “Oh?” Aren asked.

  She trailed her finger down her leg and watched Av’s breath quicken. There was something about driving that reaction out of Av that delighted her in ways she could not put words to. Just before her finger touched her hip, she lifted it and set it on the back of the chair once more.

  “Prostitutes?” she asked.

  “Those are women.”

  “Prostitutes can also be men,” she said pointedly.

  “I don’t know about armies specifically, that’s a Jer thing.”

  “You will be leading the army,” she said. “You need to learn how an army works.”

  “B-but I don’t want to!” Av protested. “I just want to stab people.”

  She groaned and dropped her legs off the side of the chair. “You sound like such a child.”

  “I sound like a child?” Av demanded.

  “You grew up on palace lands, of course, you haven’t actually grown up. You’re stuck in the adolescent mentality and not planning for the future. Why weren’t you finished in another land?”

  “That’s for lords and ladies,” Av said with a growl. “I am neither of those things.”

  “Well, your parents should have sent you somewhere so that you could shed this stupid belief that stabbing people in the face is the way to go. How is it that Jer grew up and you never did?”

  “He’s been through a lot,” Av protested.

  “And since becoming a man the only thing you’ve done apart from him, the only difficult thing you’ve ever done, was put your mother on a pyre.”

  “I take offence to that!”

  “We’re going north,” Aren said with a shake of her head.

  She stood and walked to the bathing room for the robe that hung on the inside of the door. As she pulled it on, she turned back to Av. The man was frowning at her.

  “I will never understand women,” he said.

  “I’m annoyed with you.”

  “I get that. I don’t understand why.”

  “You’d rather just stab people,” Aren said, then huffed out a breath. “I thought I had mated a leader, but apparently all I did was found myself a follower. Great, exactly what I need when I sit the throne.”

  “I don’t follow anyone!” Av bellowed.

  “Well, you can’t lead without a thought between your ears.”

  Av just stared at her. Aren moved around him, tying her robe furiously as she laid eyes on Wena standing by the door, eyes downcast.

  “I didn’t realize you were there,” Aren said, feeling heat flushing her face.

  She had just been naked; how long had Wena been there?

  “If you’d prefer, I can knock upon entrance,” Wena said to the floor.

  “That might make me think someone wants to visit,” Aren grumbled.

  “I will think of something else,” Wena said.

  “Good, because I don’t want to subject you to that again unless you are helping me with a bath.”

  “How long was Wena there?” Av demanded from behind Aren.

  “She is my servant, not yours,” Aren snapped back at him.

  “Warriors start fighting when war is mentioned,” Wena said quietly to Aren.

  “Then why did she start the fight with me?” Av asked.

  “Do I look like a wise old woman?” Wena snapped back. “Do I really? I look like I’m older than I am, is that what you are saying, Lord Av?”

  “Stop!” Aren said, stepping between the two of them. “Wena, go see Telm about us heading north for a month, see what we need to know about everything.”

  “As you wish, Lady Aren.”

  Aren waited for Wena to leave, then turned to Av, who shook his head at her and looked confused.

  “First you argue with me, then she does,” he said with a motion to the door. “Is the entire staff going to beat me about the head every time we have a little tiff?”

  “Probably, yes.”

  Av swore.

  “Since I was taken by the throne, I have had to do a great many things which I did not want to do. Such as staying at court, almost being mated to Laeder, being claimed by a warrior as if I had not a thought in my mind—”

  “I told you that you could say no at any time.”

  “And be subjected to another attempted mating to a lord I have no interest in?” Aren asked. “I am interested in you, Lord Av, but make no mistake, I had no choice but mate you. Now that we are mated I have expectations of you. I expect you to lead all the time. Not some of the time, all of it. Which means leading the army we are sending south to die for us. You cannot lead an army if you have no idea how it works.”

  “I can lead, I do lead,” Av protested.

  “Learn how an army works, learn why we need a cog and what it’s doing in that place, and then learn how much it costs and how cheap we can get it before its construction would be more trouble than the coin we saved.”

  “You know I don’t have a head for numbers.”

  “And you know that I never wanted the throne. We don’t always get what we want.”

  “Don’t get to see you naked and I have to learn numbers,” Av grumbled. He stopped, still as could be for a moment before he whimpered out, “Did you fake it all?”

  “What?” Aren demanded.

  “The sex, did you fake that?”

  “Oh, for the love of— no! I find you attractive, I am interested in you, but what did I tell you when I was first taken by the throne?”

  “You had no intention of ever mating because you wanted to be free,” Av said. The warrior mulled over his words. “So you do like the sex, all of that is real, but if it feels like there’s no love, it’s because there isn’t. You had no choice but mate me, or live a very complicated life. That makes me feel very stupid.”

  “You didn’t mate me for love,” Aren said.

  “No,” he said slowly. “No, I suppose you’re right. I mated you because you are mine. Our v
ows said nothing about love. I’m glad we settled that out.”

  “Don’t be crude,” Aren said. “Our vows said nothing about love because we don’t love each other. That doesn’t mean we won’t end up loving each other and it certainly doesn’t mean the honeymoon is over before it began. And certainly, we have more to build on than most couples do going into a mating. My father mated my mother to keep himself out of debt, and she mated him because he was the only one who would put up with her. And then they still had to have children.”

  “We at least have lust, you mean?” Av asked.

  “We could have a great deal more.”

  “But only if I change things about myself.”

  “Oh, Av. We both need to change. We both need to grow up. That love of myth and legend, it doesn’t exist. We aren’t country folk who have the option of falling in love and then falling into bed. We will make strong children one day, and that’s the best we can promise one another. Anything else is just extra.”

  “I see,” he said quietly.

  “What are you thinking about?” she asked. “I can’t tell, your face has gone all still, and you seem to be brooding something over.”

  “I’m very, very confused,” Av muttered.

  “You should have just agreed to learn how an army runs,” Aren countered.

  “That part I get, if I had just done that we wouldn’t be having this conversation, but it’s one we still needed to have. I suppose I was chasing after what my parents have, but having that with you is impossible, I see that now.”

  Aren felt a cold wash over her. “What are you saying?”

  “That my parents loved one another devoutly.”

  “Just because a mating doesn’t start with love doesn’t mean that love won’t grow.”

  “Why are you panicking?”

  “I’m not panicking,” she said quickly.

  “Really? Because your wrist seems attached to the wall.”

  Aren turned to the wall, where the manacle was trying to latch onto the plaster. It couldn’t find purchase, but she could feel the magic reaching outward, trying to find something solid to latch onto. She snatched her wrist away from the wall and held it protectively against herself.

  She had been panicking. She had been on the verge of some terrible feeling because Av said that they would never have what his parents had.

  Why? Why had she felt like that?

  “Did I upset you when I said that we wouldn’t have what my parents had?” Av asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Why?” he asked.

  “Because they loved each other, and if you can’t love me then no one can, and I’ll die sad and alone and—” And suddenly she was crying.

  Why was she crying? Why couldn’t she stop crying? She would not cry over something so stupid. She would not cry.

  Aren wiped away her tears and looked up. Av had come to stand less than a hand span away. The pity on his face made her start crying again, and she didn’t understand why.

  “I hate feeling!” she screamed.

  “I know, feeling hurts,” he said, pulling her towards him. “Van did mention something about relearning things and it causing confusion and frustration, but I expected things to melt, not for you to cry. All because you believe you’re going to die sad and alone and unloved?”

  “Yes,” she said weakly against him.

  “That’s kind of a stupid thing to think. Even if we had never met, Anue loves you. Mie loves you, like only a young warrior who hasn’t seen how dark the world can be could. I’m pretty certain Url has a very strong feeling towards you, but I wouldn’t quite call that love yet. I hope. Otherwise, I’ll have to stab him.”

  Aren almost giggled despite the tears. She rubbed at her eyes, not liking the conflicting emotions.

  “I need to talk to Danya.”

  “That’s fine by me, but you have to know that she can’t come north with us. Someone might take pity on her and try to do what they think is the right thing.”

  “What do you mean, the right thing?”

  “She’s physically blind, and most people are stupid. I don’t want to risk her life taking her north, and I’m pretty certain Telm won’t allow it. If Olea has met her yet, oh goodness me, it would be a bloodbath just suggesting it.”

  “But I need Danya, she helps me,” Aren said.

  “You need her alive more than anything else. A month without her isn’t going to kill you, and I’m pretty certain she’ll tell you the same thing. You’ve spent longer away from Mar.”

  “Mar can’t do what Danya can do. I’ve told Danya things, which I’d never tell Mar.”

  Aren looked up and saw something pass over Av’s face. She wasn’t entirely certain what it was, but she was fairly certain that she could make the leaping conclusion without being too far off the mark.

  “Oh no, you do not get to try to talk to her and figure out what we talk about.”

  “I don’t need to talk to her to know because I’ve spoken with her before. She has a way of calming a body and pointing them to the truth.”

  “Exactly, she helped me lots with feelings and stuff.”

  “When you came back after the winter, you giggled. I’m not going to argue against you seeing Danya when you’re both in the same place,” Av said quickly.

  “And you will not try to get information from her.”

  “I swear I will not try to question Danya on what the two of you talk about. Considering the two of you haven’t spoken since coming back, not really anyhow, the exercise would be pointless.”

  “That’s because I forgot about her for a little bit.”

  “And for some reason, she didn’t take offence to that. So a month away will not be that difficult.”

  “Maybe it won’t be...” Aren muttered.

  “By the way, why did your wrist go to the wall?” Av asked.

  “Nothing, no reason, just nervous habit is all.”

  “Aren, if there’s another reason, I need to know about it, there’s no other way I can protect you.”

  “There is no other reason.”

  “If you say so,” Av said carefully, as if considering his next words. “I should probably see my father about making arrangements for him to look after Anue. You should see Danya and Anue. Probably see to Mie as well. If you leave without telling him, he will never let you forget it. I did that once, and the next time I saw him he punched me right in the crotch. Highly unpleasant, and I imagine with his strength it would also be unpleasant for a woman.”

  Chapter Three

  Jer sat across from his father, then turned to frown as his uncle sat beside him.

  “Honeymoon makes it sound happy and festive,” Jer said accusingly.

  He didn’t want, nor did he need, Aren and Av coming down on him once they discovered that the ‘honeymoon’ was to settle disputes outside of the view of friends and relatives. It would give them the time to become acquainted with the idea that they were now mated to one another and it had not been about love.

  “They started fighting,” a female voice said from the door before it closed very quickly.

  “Wonder what he said?” Ervam muttered under his breath.

  “Why do you assume he said it?” Er asked.

  Ervam gave Jer a questioning look. They hadn’t had a chance yet to talk about what had gone on inside the war room.

  “As you said, they walked in united,” Er said, drawing the trainer’s eyes to him. “Aren was cleaved off when Gamen accused her of being a damsel-in-distress. I do believe the lady was blind to her own inaction, or at the very least thought she was standing for herself.”

  “You don’t show her the cage,” Ervam snapped.

  “Which is what your boy here pointed out, thankfully without showing her any more,” Er grumbled, adjusting in his seat. “Gamen’s on edge, the barons have always led their armies, and now they are only invited to war through me. Which usually means they serve beside me, but I won’t be going to war. And if anyone
can find out why, that would be fabulous.”

  “Probably the leg,” Ervam said quietly.

  “How would she know about my leg?” Er demanded.

  “What’s wrong with your leg?” Jer asked.

  “Nothing,” the brothers said as one.

  Jer hoped that when he and Av were their ages, they would be able to speak as one despite years apart. He also hoped that they could do it a great deal more convincingly rather than relying on a silent threat to keep someone from questioning further.

  “What is up with that united front? Em and I fought like cats and dogs when we first mated, for ten years, constantly.”

  “They are putting on a good public face. I’ll give them that,” Ervam said.

  “They’ve only just started fighting,” Jer reminded the pair of them.

  Er shrugged. “She’s been told she can’t act the way she wants without a mate; she now has one. He’s been told many times that without a queen a warrior cannot act in the fashion in which he wishes to act. Now he has a queen and is mated to her. I’m certain that we will see a change in them.”

  “The court thought Aren was firm when she came back from the winter?” Ervam said with a chuckle. “Wait until they see him act at the slightest rebellion.”

  “Should I be warning the servants?” Jer asked.

  “Goodness no, they know,” Ervam said sternly. “Telm would as well. And Av will settle down eventually, but for now, he has a new toy that no one else has.”

  “As long as they make it through the honeymoon,” Er grumbled. “Once the flurries settled and Olea realized we were mated, she nearly took my head off. The only thing that stopped her was Ervam here. Put her through a wall.”

  “Please tell me it was a paper wall or something,” Jer said.

  “Thin wood,” Ervam muttered. “Er’s the one who then attempted to put me through an actual wall.”

  “Queens like the chase and the whole mating bit. But when the dust settles, they realize their chosen mate didn’t bring them flowers or trinkets, he didn’t sweep her off her feet in a non-literal sense, that they’ve never danced or introduced one another to the other’s parents, didn’t do what women do with their lovers. They get angry,” Er said sternly. “I don’t blame them, not one bit. But the one man who wooed one of my daughters had weak blood and no place mingling his line with ours and no actual desire to do so, he was false. The instinct a queen has at hopping into bed with a man is a clear indication of how long their relationship will last.”